Which is stronger, fear or guilt?

By Zara Waqas

(Pakistan News & Features Services)

Guilt is like a heavy sack on your back. “Just remove the sack”. “Pretend it isn't there”. Guilt is the strongest thing a person can ever feel. It makes people rethink their decisions, it makes breathing in peace feel impossible. It is impossible to not just think about it. 

You get reminded of it every single second you have to yourself. “I could have done better or why did I even do that. May be, I shouldn’t have done it”. 

Guilt can be expressed in many ways, crossing someone, ruining someone's day or even more complex expressions. It's like an endless sea. However much you try to get out, it just swallows you whole and the thing is, there is no way to get out of it. 

You are in the middle of the sea, stranded. No way to go, endless water, waves which make you feel stronger guilt. As you try to get to calm water, the waves just follow you and attack right as you were getting peace. 

There is no way to get out. Stop running. “How do I stop running” and I have to face it. “I can’t face it” you can’t. You keep running away from it, regretting every single second of your life which led you to that moment. The waves hit you stronger every single time. No escape. You try to distract yourself. Go out. 

Hang out with friends. Help your mom in the kitchen. Write in your journal. Watch a vlog. But when you get a moment to rest, you are reminded about that moment again and again. 

Late at night, you can't sleep. You toss and turn, repeatedly. You get hit with stronger waves. You can't find any distractions so all the waves hit you all at once like a wrecking ball. Every single decision you make, you overthink it. “Will I mess up again? Or “Am I making the wrong decision again?” You can't get a moment of peace. This is a shame. 

Although there is healthy guilt. You do something wrong and you get pushed to make it right. Sometimes, that guilt never ever leaves. There are two types of guilt, one makes you grow and the other makes you criticize yourself again and again. 

Guilt makes you replay moments again and again in your brain. It increases stress levels and makes you think like you are the person in the wrong even though sometimes it isn’t your fault at all. 

Guilt is pretty strong and sometimes, people can’t handle it at all. It is better that we start to control it rather than to try and finish it. 

Fear is also a very strong emotion. The real question is: which is stronger? I just told you about guilt. Let's talk about fear now.

Fear is a very important emotion in which you feel some kind of danger, or you get a feeling that this isn’t right. That this is not good. 

Fear is sometimes, rarely useful. It can help you from taking decision, sometimes these decisions are bad ones. You think about them because the idea of it makes you shiver in fear. You feel something wrong and the brain quickly tells you about it and passes the message to the muscles. 

Your blood starts pumping faster, your heart is racing, your mind is overworking itself with the endless possibilities on what will happen. Fear of heights, dark spaces, being alone, fast cars, long words, failure, rejection, judgement, dogs, animals, bugs, open spaces, enclosed space and the list could go on forever. 

Fears can go from the simplest of things to the most complex things. Understanding your fears is very important. Most people say “overcome” your fears. But that's not really possible is it now? 

You fear something, when you come across it, your body immediately gives you signals, your brain starts working rapidly and fear isn’t something you can stop just like guilt. You can’t stop these two emotions. 

A difference between the two is that fear is a future threat. And guilt is something that has happened in the past. Fear is like being scared, nervous and not ready to face things. Guilt is feeling an unhealthy amount of remorse and regret. 

These both combine usually. For example, you lost someone in the past and it might have been because of you and that brings you guilt. But it also brings you fear of ever losing someone again. 

You can think of guilt and fear as twin sisters, some differences included. Then there is their elder sibling. Shame. Shame can pull inwards both of these emotions and turn them into something else entirely. 

It mixes with guilt and makes you criticize your own self. “I did something bad to I am bad or that is a huge problem to I am the problem”. It mixes with fear the same way: “I don’t feel good, I don’t feel safe to maybe I am too weak” or “I feel like throwing up in enclosed spaces to I am just a cry baby”. 

These two emotions mix with shame to trap you in an endless cycle, or a loop. Which one do you find stronger?